Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. Girls! "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. And saying, "This is totally wrong! Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. Oh, I meanyour pad. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. All aboard for Paris! Toulouse: Good idea, mama. Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? But it is notquite Shakespeare. I'll get flat feet. O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. Georges Hautecourt: Yes, yes! Lafayette: [offscreen;chuckling]This time, I get the tender part. I'm the one that sayswhen we go. We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. Oh, gracious! And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. But I don't remember what was so "bad." Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. Splendid! The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. WebIts an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. He's been hereall the time. Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. Let's getout of here. Get out! The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time Roquefort:It's notreally hard, Berlioz. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. A family walks in to a talent. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Come on, guys. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! Something horrible's happening! In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. You don't know the way! Good heavens! Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. You've just rescued Thomas, right? IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." 4:04. It's from Carmen,isn't it? They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me? How are you doing that? They're gone! I've heard the "joke." Ooh! And, uh, let's see. Beda Tre. Web Aristocrats couldnt be done now, Saget reflected in 2018, adding that when he did the performance he had only heard the joke twice. Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Abigail: A roue. Which pets are knownto never show their claws? While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. Come along, dear. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. Frou-Frou: I know. (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. They'll be gone. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Roquefort: [Yawns]So, that'sCreme de la cremeala Edgar. Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! I mean and waiting waiting for the death penalty! It's a totally different show. I got a million of 'em. Amelia: Yes, that's a question. Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Thank goodness you're safe! Judy Gold: People can get up on stage if they want to, you know, finger my niece or touch my nephew's penis. 17:03. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. Now think "goose.". "The "Aristocrats. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. O'Malley:[offscreen]Move! Edgar, come quickly! As I'm singing, "What'll I Have That I Don't Mario Cantone: Where'd that note go? Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. Nice doggy! [Growling]. [The movie logo appears one last time] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. And those eyes of yours. Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? Roquefort: I've got to find him. O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. Whoo-whoo! Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. Fine. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Nothin'. Don't get sore at me! You don't suppose--. Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! [Smacking Lips]Delicious! But, knows where what's at? Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? Alright? He's beenmarinated in it. No, it's less than that. I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. It wasn't a dream, was it? His chin isvery weak too. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. Have you seen Gallagher? The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? Where did these people find employment! Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? Okay. Not one single clue at all. You knowthe kids are bushed. You don't know whether to sh*t or puke in this room. This kitten cat knows where it's at! Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? Toulouse: Why didn't I answer? Look, Frou-Frou. He's got nine lives. [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. Amelia: Sir. Please,you must stop that. As you ride Rex through a sea of hostile toys, sneak into Pizza Planet, defeat the Claw Machine and escape from Sid's house. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. Coming! Ho, ho, ho! Good evening, Duchess. Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". I almost fell. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. Multiplied by nine times. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. [1] It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously bill themselves as "The Aristocrats". Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! Run! Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" Absolutely. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. More details are available in the progress report. The Magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? And he says, "The Osbournes.". Everything is going to be all right. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? Toulouse,Marie, where are you? Madame isexpecting you, sir. [sings] A guy so swell. Mussolini. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. Kittens! Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! Peppo:Oh, we didn't mean-a to,to rough a-you, squeaky! Don't shush yourold Uncle Waldo! Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. We need a man around the house. "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. Whee! That ain't. We're geese. Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. I simply wantto make my will. Stop! Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. That's four times twelve. And each cat has nine lives. [offscreen]They're gone. O'Malley:Yeah, honey. (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. I'll decide what it was. That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. It doesn't matter what it's called! Yeah! - What? Edgar! Whew! He says, "What do you do?" Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? O'Malley: Trouble? The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. It relates the story of a family trying to My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! What a classyneighborhood. A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. Now don't be frightened. Our poor owner,in that big mansion where we lived,all alone. Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! They're the startof my new foundation. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Perhaps a magic carpet built for two? Subscribe for more terrible shit! Hop aboard the motorcycle. The- this family walks into a talent agency. [ Grunting ]Hey! Evening, Edgar. Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. Call the cops! Mark Elliott: It's Disney's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Toulouse: Frogs? It will come later. Maybe it would come out right now as an [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! Beau Weaver: And now, our feature presentation. To which pets do the otherstip their hats? Toulouse:Yeah. Ooh. O'Malley! Mangy tramps! Come on! [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]. The Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! [Gasping][Laughing] It's only a tree. Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. The Aristocats! Whoo-whoo! T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. Something smells awfully good. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. I-- I couldnever leave her. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! You remember him,of course. Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. Toulouse: Gee, Marie, why'd youhave to fall off the bridge? A family walks in to Napoleon: Wait a minute. Ooh! What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. I've just gotto find them. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Milkman: Sacrebleu! Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. [ Chuckling ]. Duchess? Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Are you all right? This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. This is reallynot lady like. Hello, kittens. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Shun Gon: Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo young[ Laughing ]Fortune cookiealways wrongThat a hot one! Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? And that was my vacation. [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Go on! WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! Carrie Fisher: My mother was a golden shower queen. Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! Duchess: Perhaps! Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? Alright? Mama, I'm afraid! Duchess: Oh! ". Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? Lafayette: Mmm. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh, it's no use, Edgar. WebThe Aristocrats "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up Oh! Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Napoleon: What was that? I know it's Georges. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. I just love them. [offscreen]Toulouse? We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. This little guy's on the level. Look at this! And that's the act. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! He hit me on the head. Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. Marie:Mama! This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. Pretty soon, all of them are completely naked including the dog, who takes his leash off.. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? Napoleon: No, no. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! [Hiccupping]Look. [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. Elevators arefor old people. dvdsuper1. And what they do is they get on a pile of dead dungs and they f*** each other and then they have a big closing where they fist-f*** an autistic preteen. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Billy Boss: Ha-ha! What do you call the act?" And your music is so--so different,so exciting. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! Lafayette: [Chuckling nervously] Ow! Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. Yes! This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]No, no, no, Georges. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. Another cat slides a hook under the harness. The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Don't be frightened. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, uh-- May Igive you a hand, sir? Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Edgar Balthazar:You came back? Phenomenal. Don't worry. Where's my hat? She's a real sexy nine-year-old. Hey, Lafayette. Naturellement! Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. All aboard! I do believeyou've been drinking. And don't worry. You are most fortunatewe happened along. Amelia: You will never learn to swim properlywith that willow branch in your mouth. [Offscreen]Good riddance. The real joke is, it's not a Where are you? Heel, roll over, play dead! Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. [Clips of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" are shown]. What's this? I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Don't mindif I do. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? Ooh, it's them shoes again. Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? The more,the merrier. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! But I was so surethat I heard them. Billy Boss: So? Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. Scat Cat: That's it, cats, come on let's do this for more! Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! This joke may contain profanity. Web. They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. It's "Roquefort". They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. Ah, Georges. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. It's a motorcycle. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. Right? Duchess: Oh, no! I was asleep a winkall day. I guess youcan't win 'em all. Ow! Brainless lunatic! Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? Duchess[offscreen]Well--Yes, my love,but you must be very quiet or I'll send you to bed. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. Toulouse, where are you? Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. Duchess: Oh. Abigail: Mr. O'Malley, I think youshould be the rear end. Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Roquefort: That's it! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Answer me please. WebComedians don't tell jokes. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. Hey, hold up there. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. A family walks in to a talent agency. Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. Duchess:Because of our owner. Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. Get her! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. Oh! Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. That was very nice of you. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Come on. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A WebThe joke itself is very simple. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! Poor Madame. They showaristocatic bearing. And beyond! Roquefort: Well, yes. O'Malley: Come on, Duchess. Now, just a few dunks. Very good. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: That's right. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: So good to see you, Georges. We're on holiday. But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. "Stuffed with chestnuts"? Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? I love 'em. Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" He told me justto mention his name. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! He's got a very huge wiener. Both of you, go ahead. Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! [Hissing]. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. I've made the headlines." O'Malley: Well, of course. All right. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! And when we get to Paris,I'll show you the time of your life. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. - The "Aristocrats." O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Duchess:Very good, darling. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. It's showtime! Uh-oh. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Oh, sorry, my dear. Upward and onward! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. ". Napoleon: Wait a minute! O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. The Aristocrats Sketch Abigail: Gracious me. Oh, it just isn't fair! Sorry, it was half O'Malley: Lay some skin on me,Scat Cat. 2023. And the agent says, "Well, what do you call them?" Come here, my darlings. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. . O'Malley: Aloha. Now, Marie's the caboose. In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. Thieves! Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? Live all the adventure of the movie and more. You have Toulouse: Yeah. If I said "magic carpet," okay? Sarah Silverman: Joe Franklin loved The Aristocrats. I'm not at home at all. WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. O'Malley: It sure was,and what a finale. Kittens, come along! Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Let them in! [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? The joke, called "The Aristocrats" after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent agent. The family jumps. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. WhyEdgar? Edgar stabs a mound of hay with a pitchfork. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. But first, introductions. I heard them! Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! She'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own. "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. 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