Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? She's being selfish. We were so in love, but he chose his daughter over me. As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. MWI2ODQ2M2RkMzcxZTA1NTViOWU2ZmRkNDVhZjUwYTZhNWViNDFkNjVhYzEz What should I do? Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. Need help with your relationship? Compromise somewhere!!!! When youre prepared to open up to him about it, tell him youre not trying to cause problems but that you want to talk about something very, very important to you. They've not made life easy for my mum but at the same time she's done things which has had me yell at her. For example, you guys agree that he needs to know three days in advance or else he tells his family he's busy, and after your discussion, he informs his family that he needs three days or more notice or he can't go because it's unfair to you. Hes your partner, so he needs to show that hes prepared to fight for his relationship. I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". In the end, when I say that I dont feel like hanging out with his friends and that I want to just stay at home and just chill with us two, he gets frustrated with me and turns it on me, making me feel like crap in the end, making us ending up chilling with his friends. It's give and take. See additional information. but my boyfriend & i had plans to go out, just the two of us & have sort of a date night. I know that he is going through a lot and all, but I want him to try and bridge the gap between us. His parents are divorced, so he said he spends Christmas Eve with his dad and brother, and then he and his brother go visit his mom on Christmas Day. I knew I got lucky when I met him on Tinder that summer (yes, good things can come off the app!). A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his . He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. They need to stay out of it to help you grow. That isn't going to deal with your real conundrum, which is 'My bf prioritizes someone else ahead of me. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. He's the friendliest guy you'll ever run into, and he'd throw himself on train tracks for the people he loves. If he is prepared, you can give him some healthy suggestions on how to make you a priority and his mother someone he speaks with (not over-relies on). ), RELATED: The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her. We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. ZSI6IjRjYzg2N2NhOTg4YzU1M2IwOGYwMTYwNTc3ZTUxNjE5MmQ2ZWMyODIx And I dont know what to do because it seems like hes the one who has all the power in our relationship. Honest Conversation With Him If your boyfriend constantly prioritizes his family over you, it can be tough to feel like you're a priority in his life. Privacy Policy. I'm in a similar situation. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. & keep in mind we work opposite schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night. Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. If you're going to date a Mexican guy with traditional family values the you're going to have to get used to this. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: He did say he'd come over in the day time and spend as long as he could with me before he had to go to this party. Try to have an open and understanding conversation with your daughter. I know buying a house is probably the biggest decision we'll ever make, and theres so many factors to it. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. You should either find a compromise or leave. & hes still saying we should go. Unfortunately there is a very slim chance you will change this. Fathers day. They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. If you can't compromisedon't be in a relationship period. She is already having problems that obviously she is not ready for. MTg2ZDZkMjEzN2M3MWEzYzdlMWUzMjUyMmZlNTQ1NWQ4NDQ1YjQ2ODY1YTVk He's living the high life and probably enjoys Tom's . Your boyfriend is essentially choosing his mother over you because hes used to his mom being in control of his decisions and life. And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. Need to talk to her about having to make compromises, rotate holidays every other year. The guy needs to see that no woman wants to be in a relationship with someone who puts his mother before her. And hurt, hed rather not get. This article was originally published at PopSugar. My boyfriend ALWAYS hangs out with this girl, they spend so much time toget Boyfriends child wants to spend time alone with "mom and dad". That is complete BS. That couldn't be further from the truth. You shouldnt stay with someone whose life revolves around his mother. It's impossible not to love my boyfriend. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. MGUxMDc0Nzc1NjI0YTlhZTM0NTVmYjBhZDFlYmYwNTVlNzE2YWVmMzc2MDYx It'snot a good future you two are going to have. The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter. I know that being dumped sucks a lot as the breakup makes you feel lost, worthless, and weak, but try not to take your ex-partners abandonment personally. She makes his breakfast and lunch everyday and sometimes dinner. Therefore questions . My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. Just as I have my own religious values, I must accept hers for what they are. You raise kids who lack self-sufficiency and grow up expecting their partners to do things for them that their parents used to. i did, and I don't regret it. My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! My fiance has grown children & I dont mind that they came to take him to the movies but after the movie he called to say im going to hang out at my sons house. There are some men that have been so programmed to "choose" their mother that even when they get married the wife does not end up in first place. But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. it wont stop here. If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. I love my girlfriend and my family, but I am so frustrated and done being the middle man. Im not trying to compete for attention, but it seems like hes more interested in his daughter than me., It doesnt help that were having problems, which just makes things worse because when you argue, the first thing out of my mouth is always, why dont you spend time with your own kid instead? And every single time, he tells me that she needs him too because she has no one else right now.. My girlfriend has asked me to spend Christmas with her knowing that all my family are coming from a few states away. Worst of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last Christmas. Share your story below. His mom. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. Try to ask him about it. They dont need a third person meddling with their business and giving them conflicting advice. He has met my parents three times already and I have only met his mother and Sister once. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. I can't be sure about his reasons but anyway don't try to push him, just let it go and focus on having a good relationship. She hates my dad. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. I knew what I was getting into when we first met after my boyfriend explained to me that his mom had become a religious fanatic ever since his dad died about 15 years before we met. Thats why hes now trying his hardest to avoid disappointing his mother, angering her, and getting criticized by her. MDIwYThjODdkYmRkODkxNjdmMjNjMWJiNzg2YzczOWNhNDNkMTAzMDkyNWE1 Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. & makes me feel that we need time together more than ever. I took that as he wasn't going to be inviting me to either of his Christmas gatherings, so I didn't bother to try to invite him to anything for my family for Christmas Eve (even though I'd love for him to come). Before he and his family ruins your life. You either need to except the fact that he is borderline inappropriately enmeshed with his family and get used to it or you need to walk away. Press J to jump to the feed. 1. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. No parents will decide our kids names and decide where we live etc. Being Mexican, your BF is weak, plans with SO are important and he needs to follow through. Seems very family oriented and his sister really likes me. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. 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